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Enough advice --- My Cat writes poetry -- yes, you heard me.

Updated: Oct 5, 2020

Hey Gang,

So, after a few days of social media raining down tips and tricks for the best way to spend our time during the Covid19 quarantine (my previous post included) I decided not to do another one of those. I, for one, am feeling somewhat saturated with home improvement ideas and self-improvement ideas. Now, I want a little silliness.

Instead of any tips, tricks, or recommendations, I have something that is both ridiculous and sublime. I cannot take credit for it, however. The author of what you are about to read is my cat, Ms. B. Kitteh. She writes poetry between naps. She's a magnificent little tyrant who dominates our dogs and regularly lets us know where we have room for growth and improvement.

Grumpy cat
Kitteh reluctantly sat for this portrait last year.

So without further ado, I present you with one of her works:

(Note: Best if read in the accent of an English royal from fifty years ago.)

Thou still unopened can of fish

Thou as yet unattain-ed joy

Delectable, fragrant, elusive dish

With my emotions doth thou toy

Why must there be a need for thumbs

To ravish thy dear ecstasy?

The need for human aid is dumb

for Cat, old Egypt's deity.

My humans, simple as they are,

Hold a fondness in my heart.

Their thumbs are needed, to be sure,

To open cans of culinary art.

My people are devoted serfs

To my sublime divinity

Their baseness can get on my nerves

But they honor my felinity.

Each evening at five on the dot

Their thumbs are put to blessed use

Opening gravied, fishy pots

On which I let myself let loose.

Perhaps the worship of the Kitteh

Is less solemn than in ancient rites

but the lack of holy city

has not dimmed our sacred light.

The modern human --thumbs and mind

Though lacking throne and priests

Understand that kitty-kind

Are still the same divine, wild beasts.

Jungian cat
Kitteh is a Jung-el cat.

Mad, bad, and dangerous to know
Kitteh has the same the vices as Lord Byron

Narcissism aside, I think she has a gift.

Happy quarantine! Stay healthy, everybody!


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